I told my self that I would do a Birthday Post, a post that I would publish on the week around my birthday. unfortunately this did not happen nor take place. I sat there wrote a list of things & people I was thankful for and things that I wanted to change around my life or things I wanted to change about my self and at that point I got too emotional and just closed the computer and refused to touch it or the subject for the weeks to follow. It's not because I was lazy nor procrastinating. It was simply because when I finally sat down and read the list it made me cry. i am a person who loves to advocate women, mental health and loving yourself, but when I sat down and read the awful way I talked about my self I felt ashamed. I felt ashamed at the way I treated myself, at the way I have been beating myself up and not thanking my body, my mind and my strength for getting me to where I am. I had been focusing on my shortcomings, my weaknesses, my failures, the things I have yet to accomplish, and the negative comments others have said about me. when instead I should be focusing at all the wonderful things life has thrown my way. My body has been through so much pain, both physical and emotional and all I have done is judge it and not take care of it with the love it deserves.
I am not going to lie and say my life has been easy, it hasn't but it has gotten me to a place where I feel somewhat comfortable sharing my thoughts and some personal stories with you all. I would like to take this time to mention some things I am grateful for and I hope it encourages you to treat yourself with love, care yourself and those around you. First:I would like to thank my body for giving me the strength to continue living. Second: for keeping my son alive and having the privilege to give birth. It is a true miracle. Third: I want to thank my brain for not being as dumb as others may think and for whispering the word "patience" whenever I feel like having a mental breakdown. Even with mental illness it still tries to encourage me to do be better. Fourth: I a grateful for my son, he is the light of my life, he makes me want to be the best version of myself, he makes my smile and brings so much joy to my life. Fifth: My mother we argue, we disagree on just about everything but she has been there for me in her own way. She is a nag (mom, you know it's true) but She does it for the best reasons. She has been a great help with J and he loves her so much. sixth: My siblings, they are like my first children. They are so annoying and yet so loving. No matter what argument we are having we are always there for each other. I love you both munchkins seventh: My Best friend, She is so much more than that. She is my sister. We may not see each other all the time but no matter what she has always been there for me, through my first breakup, if I needed help moving, the birth of J and so much more. If she ever needed an organ, I would give her not one but 2. Eight: Twitter and everyone following me. This one may sound pretty dumb, but I want to thank all of you for reading and keeping up with all of stupid crap, from TMI tweets to very vague what I had for dinner tweets, I rant publicly and not so publicly here. It has been my safe place to voice my opinion for about 10 years and I wouldn't have it any other way Ninth: To everyone I did not mention, You are important too in ways you may not know and have impacted my life in ways I had never imagined. Thank You! -kitzia
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Kitzia
Resides in Southern California, Loves television and taking naps. Archives
April 2020
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